Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
