I've blown a few things in my day
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
