If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
