My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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