I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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