Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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