Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
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