billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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