I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Define "chronic" masturbator.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
