he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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