I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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