this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
