tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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