Got a toothbrush?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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