My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize