Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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