maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
