he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
