I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
