I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
