I accidentally burped into my bong.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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