sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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