So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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