just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
