No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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