It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
