from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
