no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
