Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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