So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
