I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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