dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
