I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
