Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
