fuck your aforementioned shoe
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize