i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
