Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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