I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
