4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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