I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
