SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
