Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
