So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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