Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It's shark week go big or go home
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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