Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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