i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
