its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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