Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
