Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
