Can i not drive my cunt home
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She even gives head with a lisp.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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