Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
