...so i touched it.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
