the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
