god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
