I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
