Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
