Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize