Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
