I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
