I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
