Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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