You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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