I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
